Journey to self-awareness: Why I stopped blogging and what have I learnt in the process

Image found on La Belle Assiette blog

Hello Readers,

I hope you are all having a lovely summer. I, for change, am actually waiting with excitement for the days when leaves turn gold, red and brown. The pumpkin spice season is just behind a corner and the jumper weather has already begun. 

Firstly, let me say this - it has been a while since my last post. I have realised that once I stopped blogging regularly, a part of me felt like I failed the whole project. It turned out to be quite demotivating in a long run. But all of this ended up as a great life lesson for me.

When I started this blog, I only had a vague idea of what I want it to be. I knew I had some previous blogging experience and I had a lot of things to say. However, I got a bit stuck. Not in terms of words - these, I have far too many. I got stuck trying to establish some kind of a niche, or pattern, or expertise field, or general outlook. I got stuck thinking of other bloggers and determining the ways I can recreate their success. I got stuck trying to limit myself to one field - travel writing, psychology, perhaps a poetry blog? In short, I got stuck playing somebody who I am not. 

Found on Google images

Fortunately, all of this happened in my head and not on the blog itself. Unfortunately, it meant that for months and months I was gone, with more and more guilt building inside me. It got to the point when I was embarassed to even look at my posts again. I thought they must be very immature.

Today I finally read some of them again. To my surprise, it didn't make me feel embarassed at all. It actually made me feel joy. I felt as if I regained a connection with a part of myself. Which in turn made me realise that when I started blogging I didn't do it with a plan of turning it into a bussiness. I did it because I love writing. I love exploring both my own mind and the world around. I miss the kind of community engagement I had once upon a time when I was a blogger in Poland. Hence, my first insight: 

Blogging is fun - it does not have to be work. 

A scene I captured on my camera

This realisation was freeing. I suddenly felt much lighter and much happier. I got tons of ideas of what I want to write about without actually feeling overwhelmed or somehow limited to stiff routine or deadlines. And especially, to the whole idea of being successful. 

These are some facts about me: 

1) I am passionate about a lot of things. It doesn't take much to bring a spark of interest in me - and then you have it, hours spent on researching the Rat Pack era, or getting into polo games, or watching YouTube speeches, or mastering the Cajun cuisine, or running around with kung fu moves... Blame it on my ENFP personality type. At this point of my life, I am happy to have a freedom to explore. To try out various hobbies. To not limit myself to any area of expertise. The world is diverse. It is filled with so many wonderful experiences and facts. Hopefully, I can share with you some of the knowledge about them as well as a sense of curiosity and enthusiasm.  

By Jesse Bowser on Dribbble

It's just as E. O. Wilson once said: 

“From the freedom to explore comes the joy of learning. From knowledge acquired by personal initiative arises the desire for more knowledge. And from mastery of the novel and beautiful world awaiting every child comes self-confidence.”

Now, I'm not Mr Wilson but I can tell you this - I know no greater joy than exploring, than discovering, than finding yourself faced with something new and unexpected. It reminds me a call to action in hero's novels or a mystery addressed to a detective, silently tempting and waiting to be solved.

Me. Meditating.
Over my future, no doubt.

2) I do believe in that once you force yourself to start working on something, you can get into a flow and start experiencing a real sense of satisfation from it. That's usually how my fiction writing begins. (Not to mention all the university essays).

A moment of inspiration helps but inspiration is not something that wakes up only every now and then. Inspiration is always within you (or around you) - even if it can take time to fully engage in it.

But while I believe a person can always get into a flow or writing, I am not a fun of schedules set in stone. It is, of course, a learnt behaviour or a developed skill. A beneficial type of one, I'm sure. I can do it too when I have to. For a year now, I have been working for a brand-commerce agency in London where I had to be able to produce content on a very regular basis. But as I wrote before - this blog is not work. 

It is passion. And as passion, it knows no bounds. 

Image found on: Inside Higher Ed

One other realisation that came to me is that just because you haven't done something the way you planned the first time, it doesn't mean the whole thing is destined to be a failure. Yet, even if you do fail, what is the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen is that you stop trying. Or that you don't gain anything from the experience itself. "Failure" is an excellent opportunity to learn, to develop and also to get to know yourself better. Not only in terms of your limitations, of what you lack - but also in terms of what you are, what you like, what you hope for, what you want. In fact, a "failure" is rarely a failure. Because what or who decides what constitutes one? 

Failure exists only as a response to expectation (whether it is a personal drive or a given requirement). Expectation is subjective in its nature. It is a reaction to a certain need or hope that demands fulfilment. Often, it is related to an environment and the rules or beliefs governing it. Or the individual's desire linked to self. Failure can often tell you more about the patterns of thinking within you and around you than the actual reality of the situation.

Bear in mind, these are just my thoughts on the topic, not any absolute truth. Let me know in the comments below whether you agree and what other observations or beliefs come to your mind. I would love to hear about it.

Hope to see you soon. 

-A.